so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
