Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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