I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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