And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
