is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
oh god the rape fog is back!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
