Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
