I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
