Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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