Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
