i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
