Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
