YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
