I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
