dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
