So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
