Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
