Fuck appropriateness.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
