Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
