Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
