Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
