i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
