I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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