Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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