He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
