So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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