You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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