first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize