I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
