just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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