So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
