we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
