I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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