laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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