It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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