you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's never too late to be topless.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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