My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
