Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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