I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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