We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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