it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
