i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
