u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
