she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
