I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
