(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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