Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
