I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
