Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
