I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
