So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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