I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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