Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
