It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
