VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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