I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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