My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
