I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
