I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
