she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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