I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
