babies were throwing up all over the place
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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